day 1 -- ground zero

Must not forget the betrayal. I am so stupid that way. Hence the nickname idiot-savant. He can be the biggest ass and I’ll still forgive him. Forgive is fine. But must not forget the betrayal. And the pain that came with it.

Oct 1. afternoon. On the way to mom’s house. idiot proby dropped his extra sim card on the floor.

Did not look, will just return it. Do I have idiot written in big bold red letters across my forehead??? Of course I looked at it.

Must quote this in verbatim.

too late. he got the damn evidence. the temerity.

but i know what i saw. i know what i read. i know what it meant.

perversion. cum. multiple cum. viagra.

but she was honest. young and honest. young, honest, and stupid. young, honest, stupid, and hopelessly naive. young, honest, stupid, hopelessly naive and in love with him.

i asked her, do you want him? i've been at this for 14 loong years. you aren't the first and i'm sure you won't be the last. i'm just too damned tired. i feel like an old, beaten up prize fighter, way past his prime. ready to hang up his gloves. i've done what i can. the rest... well, the rest will be the rest.

she's in love with him. he says he isn't

he'll end it, he says. but he doesn't. she does.

i'm still here. i still doubt. i don't know what will come. but i'm still here. cleaning up other people's sh!t, but i can't clean up my own.