maybe, the end is near
I know, i know. i've been saying this for years. but really, i think i've had it. i think i'm just about done. i see little or no redeeming value in him. i honestly think he has a psychological disorder, at best. at worst, he is a horrible person, who has no consideration for how others feel, and can only appreciate how things affect him.
just a few things to remind me how awful he's been. about 4 weeks ago, he said, for the millionth time, that we'll work it out. again, although less hopeful than the last time, i said okay. as usual, the first week was fine. we watched a basketball game, and had dinner on a friday night. saturday, i think he went out. tuesday following, we watched a movie, and i actually enjoyed it. next week, sucked. he played poker on a sunday night! sunday. family day, he'd trade for poker. argh. and can i just say that each time there is a family emergency, he's not home? and why should he be home. he's always out. odds are he won't be home when anything important happens. next week was even worse. i needed a ride home, after being out of town the whole day trying to make extra money. he wouldn't give me a ride. his reason? because he was having dinner in greenhills. can you imagine that? dinner? so what if it was the christening of a friend's son. i told him he could go back after he picked me up. and still, is his obligation to that friend more important than his obligation to me? and he didn't even bother to ask me how i got home. he just assumed i'd be fine.
the thursday before that, he was at it again. this whole, its never my fault shit of his. we were getting bobot's report card, when we were told that he didn't have clearance. turns out, bobot hand't paid for the PhP100 fine fo a book he returned to the library late. which was fine. but HE blamed me for not handling it! its all my fault. i asked bobot if he this clearance was done, he said yes. what else should i have done? at least i asked. he didn't even bother to do anything!
and today, today was soo stupid. holy saturday, and he was acting like an asshole! bobot wakes up and has breakfast with the oldies. we had a big brunch. so, i took a nap at around 11ish and slept through lunch. bobot, having a large breakfast, asked if he could do the same. HE said okay. maybe he said it sarcastically, but who knows with him. when bobot woke up, he didn't have lunch.and HE freaked out. got mad at me for not handling the lunch, got mad at the maid for not fixing the lunch, and made bobot cry for not eating!!! worse, he took that stupid computer that was on only for a day, just to make bobot feel worse! as if i need that stupid computer!!! i'm buying bobot his own computer!!! the nerve!
seriously, i really could do without him. he's just a major burden. i cannot think of one thing that he gives that no one else can give and that my children and i cannot live without. not a single thing. what i do need from him, he doesn't give. so why put myself through the paid of knowing he can give it by doesn't? since i don't have it anyway, with or without him, then why keep him around?
i promised to give him till the end of summer. which i will. after that, i will move out. at this point, really, i think this is as good as he can get. i don't think he'll be any nicer, or any more considerate. i think the man i fell in love with is dead. at least to me. at this point, i really have to let go of this major burden. he's holding me back. he's making bobot miserable. he's the only one getting anything from this set up. its about time i start thinking of myself.
just a few things to remind me how awful he's been. about 4 weeks ago, he said, for the millionth time, that we'll work it out. again, although less hopeful than the last time, i said okay. as usual, the first week was fine. we watched a basketball game, and had dinner on a friday night. saturday, i think he went out. tuesday following, we watched a movie, and i actually enjoyed it. next week, sucked. he played poker on a sunday night! sunday. family day, he'd trade for poker. argh. and can i just say that each time there is a family emergency, he's not home? and why should he be home. he's always out. odds are he won't be home when anything important happens. next week was even worse. i needed a ride home, after being out of town the whole day trying to make extra money. he wouldn't give me a ride. his reason? because he was having dinner in greenhills. can you imagine that? dinner? so what if it was the christening of a friend's son. i told him he could go back after he picked me up. and still, is his obligation to that friend more important than his obligation to me? and he didn't even bother to ask me how i got home. he just assumed i'd be fine.
the thursday before that, he was at it again. this whole, its never my fault shit of his. we were getting bobot's report card, when we were told that he didn't have clearance. turns out, bobot hand't paid for the PhP100 fine fo a book he returned to the library late. which was fine. but HE blamed me for not handling it! its all my fault. i asked bobot if he this clearance was done, he said yes. what else should i have done? at least i asked. he didn't even bother to do anything!
and today, today was soo stupid. holy saturday, and he was acting like an asshole! bobot wakes up and has breakfast with the oldies. we had a big brunch. so, i took a nap at around 11ish and slept through lunch. bobot, having a large breakfast, asked if he could do the same. HE said okay. maybe he said it sarcastically, but who knows with him. when bobot woke up, he didn't have lunch.and HE freaked out. got mad at me for not handling the lunch, got mad at the maid for not fixing the lunch, and made bobot cry for not eating!!! worse, he took that stupid computer that was on only for a day, just to make bobot feel worse! as if i need that stupid computer!!! i'm buying bobot his own computer!!! the nerve!
seriously, i really could do without him. he's just a major burden. i cannot think of one thing that he gives that no one else can give and that my children and i cannot live without. not a single thing. what i do need from him, he doesn't give. so why put myself through the paid of knowing he can give it by doesn't? since i don't have it anyway, with or without him, then why keep him around?
i promised to give him till the end of summer. which i will. after that, i will move out. at this point, really, i think this is as good as he can get. i don't think he'll be any nicer, or any more considerate. i think the man i fell in love with is dead. at least to me. at this point, i really have to let go of this major burden. he's holding me back. he's making bobot miserable. he's the only one getting anything from this set up. its about time i start thinking of myself.
posted by blue1123 at 2:56 AM
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