the lights are out

its pretty much over.

nothing more to say about it than that.

why do i know? because i gave up. and for years now, i've know that i was the proverbial thread by which the whole relationship hung. and now i'm broken. yep. after almost 15 years, i'm finally broken.

nothing was ever enough. i wasn't enough.

it isn't fair is it? first, i was everything. i was perfect. i could do now wrong.

then one day, that all changed.

everything changed, except me.

he changed. i didn't.

all of a sudden, i was so wrong for him.

i was no longer pretty enough, i was too fat. i was too demanding. i wasn't caring enough.

ironic. he changed. yet he was still my man.

not anymore. i give up.

he can say anything he wants to anyone he cares to speak with.

i will just hold my breath, close my eyes, and wait until the hurt subsides.

i know that one day, it won't hurt anymore. then i'll know i can leave.

the lights are out. no one is home. at least that's what i tell myself.

i'm still inside. in the dark. waiting to hear the keys turn in the lock.

but i'm not holding my breath anymore.

my bags are packed. i'm ready to go. i just have to say goodbye.