so over

me: are you still okay? can i still walk around?

him: yes go ahead. i'm fine.

me: underwear sale. do you need jocks? text size and preferred brand.

him: i'll choose myself later

me: is it over?

him: just finished

me: why didn't you call me?!

me: hindi ako manghuhula. di ko alam nainis ka na matagal ako at d ka pa nakapaglalakad. ikaw ang nag suggest na lumabas ako. hindi ka din manghuhula. wag mo isipin na alam mo ang iniisip ko. ang klaro lang, wala na tayong respecto sa isa't isa. d ko maitatago itong nangyari sa magulang ko. mahirap magkunwari na nakapanood ako. wag na tayong magpanggap na kasal tayo. tama na. umuwi ka na sa inyo. mag usap na lang tayo sa hatian ng gastos. sabihin mo kung kelan ka maghahakot ng gamit para handa ako. kung gusto mo sumabay papunta apartment, d2 ako sa coffee bean, katabi ng golds gym. alis ako in 10 minutes kc kailangan ko magsundo ng laundry.

me:wag ka na umuwi please. save me the trouble of locking you out. i'm serious. we're done. the kids don't have to see this.

him: let me move out tomorrow. i don't want to keep coming back for my things.

me: ok

give j my notice

J

Could anyone be loved anymore
than I love you
does it hurt you too?
But J
I've been feeling small too long
I love you so
but something's wrong

and I come running when you want me here
and when you want me to, I disappear

Give J my notice

I knew if I made it easy for you
you'd settle for me, yeah eventually
but J
I won't be your bitch anymore
and follow you 'round
and hold the door

and I can't do this any longer
the vacuum left is so much stronger

Give J my notice
Give J my notice

J you know I'm not mad anymore
at least most of the time
but that could take a while
I've been living just to see you smile
every once in a while

Tears fall
but that don't mean nothing at all
It's just cause I said it first
yeah, that's why it hurts

And I'm not sorry if you're not sorry
And you're not sorry until I make you

Give J my notice
Give J my notice
Give J my notice
Give J my notice
My notice

out of mind, out of heart

last night, at about 245 am. i woke up. i looked around. and saw someone with his back towards me. i was upset. why is your back turned towards me. i reached out to hug that someone. then i stopped. good god. it was you. i thought it was someone else. it was that someone else i wanted to hug. it was that someone else i felt bad about his back being turned. when i woke up enough to realize where i was, and whose back it was that was turned, i was sad.

sad that it was you, not him.
sad that i thought it was him, not you.
sad that at this moment, you are not in my heart.
sad that after being devastated by your coldness towards me, i am now just as cold to you.
i never really thought i'd see this day.
when i no longer think about you
when i no longer care what happens
when i no longer want things to work
when you are no longer in me
out of mind talaga, and out of heart. :*(

bells

hmmm... why bells. alarm bells? no,no emergency. church bells perhaps. maybe. church bells,not wedding bells.

bells are on my mind. the same, monotone, slow ringing of bells. hmm... as in a funeral.

its over. i care no more.i have no feelings. ok fine, there are still feelings. but the only ones left are those of resentmet. why are you still here. leave. i am happy now. but it has nothing to do with you. you have actually and officially become the proverbial fly in my ointment.

no tears. no more tears. the well has indeed run dry. there is no remorse for me. i did everything i could, and then some. there is no guilt, no feeling of sayang. there is someone else. someone i cant have, yes. but there is someone.

no more waiting. i've left you behind. i the truest sense. i just want you to leave. we have no future left.

hmmm... i can seriously hear bells. funeral bells. leave now j. leave na please.